Scared the daylights out of me

At 0330 this morning the family dog, who has taken to sleeping next to me jumped off my bed. She takes off down the stairs barking. I sit up in bed, eyes wide open and my heart racing in my chest. I suddenly develop supper sonic hearing abilities and am straining to hear anything.

A thousand thoughts running through my head; why didn't I get my pistol permit, should I call 911, my parents are down the hall sleeping, why didn't my dad get up and the list goes on.

Several minutes later the dog comes back. I am laying there trying to convince myself that she scared away whoever or whatever made her bark. The dog jumps back up in bed with me and I nervously pet her head. Just as I am about to lay my head back down to bed, her ears perk up, she growls and I hear a man's voice down stairs.

At this point, my heart has gone from racing to pounding in my chest. I hit the dog on her back end and tell her "go get 'em". We both jump off the bed, she goes downstairs and I take off running down the hall to my parents bedroom. Throwing open my parents door, in a loud whisper I say "WHERE'S DADDY?" My very disoriented mother answers "downstairs with the guy from the gas company we don't have any heat....why what's the matter with you?"

I jump into their bed, throw my arms around her and exclaim that "I thought someone was breaking in." I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. Like all good mom's she gave me hug and sent me back to bed.

In my defense, after being in Kabul for a year, my senses are still a little hyper-vigilant. And, I watched Dr.Petit speak on Oprah last week (family brutally murdered several years ago; occurred in suburbs of CT around 0330).

Keep Smiling!

The search continues

Searching for a job, takes a lot of energy and perseverance. It's not for the faint of heart and interviews are mentally draining. Officially I've been unemployed or as I prefer to call it, retired since Oct 1. Not horrible considering the current state of our economy. I also have elected not to collect unemployment. Thankfully I am in a position where I don't need it. My parents are letting me live with them rent free and I don't have debt. In addition to that, a few short term opportunities such as editing an article for publication have presented themselves so I've had spending money.

I have been on a few interviews for either consulting opportunities or full-time employment, which I am truly thankful for. Again, given the unemployment rate I feel pretty blessed. I have greatly appreciated the time of rest at home as I've been adjusting to being back in the States. I needed that much more then I ever dreamed.

With that said, its going to be quite the shock to my system when I have to rejoin the workforce. Unless I can find a job that lets me start at 11am and wear slippers, but I'm doubtful. I used to watch the Ironman Triathlon that occurs in Hawaii and think the only way I could do that was to quit my job and train full time. Well, I haven't used this time home to do that. Although if a job doesn't happen soon, I may reconsider that option.

As of today, I have two interviews scheduled. One will be my third interview with the facility. The second is a two day interview with another facility. There is a third facility that reportedly wants to interview me but has yet to schedule it.

All of these opportunities are in the States. I haven't seen an overseas opportunity that pulled on my heart like Afghanistan did. Felt a twinge for an opportunity in Haiti, so maybe that part of me isn't dead. Here's to hoping I am employed at Christmas.

The photo is of the mountains in Kabul. It was taken from the plane as I was flying home.

Keep Smiling!

Home Depot and random thoughts

Spent some time today in Home Depot. Its not usually a place I shop but my youngest sister and I ran there to get more white Christmas lights and a Christmas present for our dad. He's asked for two "man" gifts; a case of oil (also helpful for us since he changes the oil in our cars) and a new shop light.

Now if Home Depot was interested in a few suggestions, I'd be willing to offer some. First, as an independent women, I won't be offended if you come over and ask me if I need help. Especially when my sister and I are starring blankly at all the options you have for fluorescent lights. The second suggestion is, it might be helpful to put the light bulbs that go with specific types of lights in the section that the lights are sold in. There are a lot of different types of bulbs. The best idea would be to sell the lights with the lights, but that might make things to easy. Does anyone know what's the best way to wrap a T8 32watt 48 inch bulb?

On the way to Home Depot, I stopped to get gas. $3.09 a gallon -Yikes! As I was putting gas in my car and wishing someone would do this for me, my mnd wandered to life in Kabul. It's cold in Connecticut and since my Kabul experience, I really really really dislike being cold. I realized that one of the things I miss about Afghanistan is not having to do the car maintenance. I wasn't allowed to drive, which was probably a good thing since traffic is a nightmare, as are the road conditions. Not driving also means, you don't have to put gas in the car, take it in to get the oil changed and that the car is already warm when you get it in.

Keep Smiling!

Thanksgiving

What a treat to be home for Thanksgiving this year. We had a small crowd, just immediate family and one guest. Spent the day before baking all the favorites; banana cream pie, chocolate cream pie and apple pie. Then made deviled eggs, which are much harder then one would expect.

Throughout the day I couldn't help but remember what last year was like. The four days before Thanksgiving we didn't have power, which meant no heat and no hot water. I was so miserable on Thanksgiving morning. All's I wanted was a shower before we headed over to the base. We had been very lucky to score an invite to dinner at the military base, and I would have given anything to wash my hair. Little did I know that this was only the beginning of what winters were like in Kabul.

Dinner with the troops was a blast. As an extra perk, the UCONN game was on TV while we ate. And boy did we eat. This was the first time since I arrived in Afghanistan that I had American food. We even had real ice-cream.

Since I've been home, I feel much more patriotic towards the men and women in the armed services. I've always supported the troops but its different now. I feel we can't do enough for them. My heart truly goes out to them, their families and the sacrifices they make to for me, us.

When we got home after Thanksgiving dinner, we had power. I was able to take a warm shower and then headed out to have a second Thanksgiving dinner with some friends at "J" compound. Both dinners were nice, but nothing beats being with your family.

I am so thankful to be home.

Voting Day

America, the land of the free!! Remember to celebrate our freedom, liberties and go vote.

Last year I wasn't in the States when it was election season. The perk is you are away from the phone calls and spam that arrives daily in your mail box. In Kabul, they plaster walls with pictures of the candidates. Banners are hung throughout town and like here, the conversation around the water cooler is political.

Unfortunately today, I wasn't able to vote. There was some paperwork error that occurred. Before I left for Kabul, I sold my house and moved in with my parents for 2 weeks. I completed all the necessary paperwork to change my address and my voting registration. Today I showed up at the polls and there was no record of me living at this address. I did notice that I wasn't getting any political pamphlets but it didn't register that maybe I wasn't registered.

After I few phone calls made by the official voter dude, he told me that yes my voter registration was canceled in my previous town of residence but they have no record of it being transferred to any town in Connecticut. He did give me the paperwork and allowed me to fill out a new voter registration form but I wasn't allowed to vote today.

I'm pretty angry with myself. The right to vote is such a privilege and I blew it. I believe that one vote does make a difference. I believe that we need to take this right seriously and vote in each election as an informed voter. And I think its extra important for women to get out and vote. There are still too many countries where women struggle for this right, we shouldn't take it for granted.

Keep Smiling!

Orchard

One of my favorite fall activities is going to the orchard to get apples and a pumpkin to carve. My mom, youngest sister and I all went this weekend. We sort of cheat; we don't actually pick the apples. We buy ones in a basket that someone at the Orchard has already picked.

Selecting a pumpkin is tricky, especially when you don't have an idea on how you want to decorate it. Some years I get a small one or one with a dent, depends on my mood. This year I went for a medium sized one that I can carve. The plan is to attempt to make a pumpkin bread with the insides. Never done that before. My sister selected a white pumpkin. I don't remember ever seeing an all white pumpkin. She's not sure how she is going to decorate it either.

One of my other favorite activities is getting warm apple fritters and hot apple cider. I missed this last year. One of the things that was challenging about living in Kabul is its brown, year round its brown. It's so sad. Aside from when the flowers bloom, there is very little color or vegetation in the city. At least the flowers are in bloom spring, summer and fall.

Keep Smiling!

The Job search

Having officially completed my assignment on September 30th, I like to consider my self "semi-retired". I think it sounds better then unemployed.

Thankfully prior to leaving for Afghanistan I paid off all my debt; sold my house, paid off my car and any credit card debt. I'm living with my parents as I search for a job.

It's a little unsettling not having a job. Now, I recognize it hasn't been that long but I started seriously applying for jobs in mid-August. I interviewed for a position at one hospital in CT that started off as a consulting job, changed to a temporary employee job and then finally became a permanent position. As a consulting or temporary gig, it was great. Unfortunately as a permanent position it was a little too far off my career track and to many steps backwards.

I have since interviewed for a position in DC and had a phone call with an HR person from a hospital in PA. Both of these options are intriguing. With DC, I am waiting to hear if they will offer me the job. With PA, I am waiting to see if Senior Management wants to schedule an interview. While I am waiting; I have applied for jobs in Connecticut, California, Maryland and Texas. The waiting is the terrible part. During this process, I have become less and less a fan of the statement "we will contact you if we are interested in arranging an interview, please do not contact us."

With both DC and PA, it was a month after I applied before they got back to me. Can companies quantify when they will get back to an individual? Say something simple like, "if you don't hear from us in 4-6 weeks, we have decided to pursue other candidates." As the self appointed voice of the "semi-retired" I believe those of us looking for jobs, want to know when you don't want us.

Some places will let you search the status of your application. This is a nice feature. I have learned from one place they have reviewed my resume and passed it on to the hiring manager. Two other places have said they reviewed my resume and its been declined. Declined is a little harsh but at least I know.

Keep Smiling!

Change of Plans

It has been a wonderful 6-weeks of vacation. I have enjoyed the time to reconnect with friends and spend some quality time with my family. We went to Cooperstown NY and visited the baseball hall of fame. Which I highly recommend that all baseball fans go and see at least once.

This past weekend we went up to our cottage in New Hampshire. Hurricane Earl made for a windy few days but aside from that it was a great time of rest and relaxation. My father and I spent some time fishing on the lake. I was able to convince my Dad to put the worm on the hook the first time. Yes, I'm a nurse but I don't like touching the worms. They won't stay still, they are slimy and I'm afraid I'll stick myself. The second time I needed bait, I had to do it myself. And let's just say I don't have a career as a bass master fisherman. Over all the fish ate well that night; we did manage to catch a few sunfish, perch and a cat fish. We released them all back to become even bigger fish for us to catch next summer.

During this time home I had to make a decision about what my future holds. The big question was am I going to go back to Kabul and if I do for how long. I have decided not to return. I will remain on staff until at least the end of this month and will function as a mentor/resource remotely until a replacement can be found.

This was a very difficult decision to make, probably much harder then you would expect. I have enjoyed the comments from people as I have explained that I wasn't returning and hope my responses have been kind. I am aware that most people think I was insane for going in the first place.

However I don't feel that way. It was a wonderful experience and I have no regrets about going. I learned so much about myself and what is truly important in life. This experience has changed me in both positive and negative ways. I met some wonderful people both westerners and local nationals.

Living there for a year has given me a much better understanding of Afghanistan and the complexities of life for the Afghan people. After seeing what I saw and experiencing what I did, I will be a greater advocate for the rights of Afghan women and children. I am truly grateful to have been born in America . Yet Afghanistan has become a part of me and has changed me forever.

I do look forward to the day when I stop diving to the ground at loud noises. I still struggle to watch TV shows that are action/adventure. And please don't ask me if I think this war is winnable, I didn't spend any time with McChrystal or Petraeus. Just trust me, it's a very complicated problem and be thankful that you don't have their job.

As for what's next, I have no idea. I do plan on keeping the blog. I have sent out a few resumes and will see what doors open. The world is my oyster which is both exciting and a little nerve wracking. We shall see what adventures are next.

Keep Smiling,

Jen

They paid the greatest price

This morning my day began early with emails and Skype calls about the 10 medical aid workers that were killed in Afghanistan. Friends in Kabul wanted me to know that this attack was different, the names of these victims were friends. Co-works in a sense. I am truly heart broken.

Like them when I volunteered to go, I knew there would be risks. However, it still doesn't lessen the impact of the news. Can you ever be prepared for something like this? This news is devastating.

One of the men, him and I flew into Kabul together. It was only a year ago. We were both newbies. We had spent a few days in Dubai. We sat for hours together in the waiting room at the consulate chatting about the projects we would be working on, what we thought life was going to be like and wondering if we would ever be able to learn the language. Later that evening we ordered take out and just hung out. We didn't know what else there was to do. Then the next morning, we boarded the same flight into the sandbox. It was so comforting to have a buddy that was as new to this as I was. Throughout the year we would run into each other at various events and chat.

One of the men is the husband of a co-worker. The last time we had dinner together he was talking about this trip. That was three weeks ago, the last time I saw him.

The others, I met as the months went on. Invited to lunch, friendly hello's at the bazaar. It's overwhelming to think about it all.

My thoughts and prayers go out to their families. My poor friends still in Kabul, you are also in my prayers. I am sending big hugs your way.

I keep asking; why, how and why? Words like senseless, evil and horrific keep coming to mind. Like me, they came to Afghanistan to help the people. Unlike me, they paid the ultimate price.

The Transition Back

I've been home a little over a week and its strange to be back. I'm glad to be home and need the rest but it's strange.

I've enjoyed getting my haircut, going out to dinner in restaurants where there aren't armed guards and seeing all the choices in the grocery store. Being able to drive, walking outside and being able to make eye contact again with people on the street was something I didn't realize I missed so much. The color here is amazing and its not even autumn. Kabul is brown, year round. When we drive, I can see houses; in Kabul all the houses are surrounded by 12 foot high walls and barb wire. Did I mention how much I enjoy the lack of dust? The simple things that I used to take for granted, all have new meaning. For example, I really enjoy not having to brush my teeth with bottled water!

Being home has brought some challenges as well. I'm not the same person I was when I left a year ago. Its hard to quantify the ways I've changed, just like it's hard for my friends and family to tell me how they have changed over the year. Its easy to talk about the new technology and fashion trends but on the inside I feel different.

It's like I have two separate lives both with equally important aspects to it. My friends in Kabul became my family, there is a closeness in our relationship because no one else experienced what we did. I miss them. I can't wait until their home and we can joke about how bazaar it is to transition back to civilization because I feel like an alien in my own country.

Keep Smiling!

Reflections

I'm getting ready to head home for my annual leave, after 11 months we get 30 vacations days. I am so excited to get home for such a long period of time. I cannot articulate the feelings; its both exciting and a little intimidating. Exciting because it will be so wonderful to be with friends and family, intimidating because life here is different - like being on another planet kind of different. Either way, I am looking forward to being on vacation and being home. Hope coming back isn't hard.

When I look back, in some ways, it feels like I arrived yesterday. Yet in other ways I feel like I have been here for a life time. We've been talking these last few weeks about lists -"to-do lists", "bucket lists" and lists of joys. In the spirit of knocking things off my to-do list, I decided to list my blog entry this week would be reflections of the year.

• Aug - 3 weeks of training, say good-bye to friends and family. Crazy man on plane who yelled at me b/c I took his overhead compartment, leave my pictures in Heathrow.
• Sept – US army arrive at the house, start to decorate my new apartment. First time on Cipro. Begin to learn the names of the 100 staffers who report to me.
• Oct – 7.2 earth quake, UN guest House attacked, kangaroo room incident. Tense situation at a checkpoint. Trip to Istaliff, CNN visits hospital
• Nov - Explosion on my birthday, can't go for brunch. Meet new people at weekly BBQ's. Thanksgiving at Army base, no power for 4 days, up late writing a proposal with the team.
• Dec – 4 of us have to go to Dubai to get a visa, 2 weeks of running the hospital by myself because everyone else was on leave, had a skype Christmas, learned how to play poker, vacationed in Dubai, moved
• Jan – spend New Years in the dessert, have to get another visa in Dubai, had vertigo and passed out in the shower.
• Feb – Move, freezing cold, begged for a cook, got over my fear of lighting gas things, basking lunches at the French Cafe.
• March – NICU overflows, weather changes, team members back, different team member leaves, surprise friendships
• April – volcano, surprise trip home, find grenade at hospital, roses blooming in the garden
• May – Explosion 200 yards away, new volunteer arrives, dollar decreases, networking dinner for Fistula
• June – more visa issues, unusual staff requests, advocate for raises, peace Jirrga, ring of steel signs, ants in the kitchen
• July - 4th of July in Dubai, new visa, Fistula Hostile almost completed, new boundaries, Kabul Conference...a time of reflection.

See ya soon.

Keep Smiling!

Lady Taxi

I'm in Dubai to try and renew my visa. The contrast between Dubai and Kabul always amazes me. Its going from one extreme to another; extreme poverty to extreme wealth.

Getting off the plane and leaving the airport the humidity slaps you across the face. By this time I have already stuffed my headscarf deep in my bag and am thankful I opted to wear linen pants. I may look like a wrinkled mess but they aren't sticking to me.

Getting a taxi at the airport in Dubai is one of the most organized processes that I have ever observed/participated in. As you walk out the exit for taxi's, you are ushered into a well formed line. There are line markers which prevent crowding, like in an amusement park. As you look ahead you can see dozens of taxis all in a line waiting. When you reach the front of the line, a uniformed man directs you to your taxi. As one taxi pulls away the next one drives up to take the next person. It really is efficient and moves pretty quickly. Which is nice because this time of year, standing outside side feels a little like you are melting.

This time we were directed to a "Ladies Taxi." It was the cutest thing. I've never seen this before. The lady taxi driver, was standing near her taxi talking with another women who worked for this cab company. Both were wearing a pink and white uniform. The cab instead of being like a yellow cab in the States, was pink and white. It was adorable.

The women explained that the company has been around for the last several years and is now up to fifteen drivers. It wasn't clear from her explanation (I had a hard time understanding her accent) but I think the cars are only used to transport women. It's an interesting concept. I remember when I was in Egypt there were women only subway cars. It seems like a safer way to travel but I wonder if feminists all over the world will think this is a set back for women's rights. But I can tell you, this service would be a hit in Kabul.

Keep Smiling!

De-Mining

A few weeks ago there was a hand grenade found on the property of the hospital. It was in the back, near the area we are going to renovate to be our fistula hostel. It was a little disturbing to think that I had recently been walking in that area. We have no way of telling if it was new or if it has been there for years. With the history of this country who knows.

Not only did this delay the renovations but we had to find someone to come and make sure we didn't have any more unexploded devices on the property. Again, a little disturbing but I guess this is normal when you are working in a war-torn country.

We followed the typical process and put the project out to bid. Three company's gave us estimates and we selected one. After we selected a company, they offered to do the work for free, as a donation. That was real blessing since this project was not something we had budgeted for.

When the guys showed up it was a little like the movie "Hurt Locker." They blocked off the area and went about their business. It took 4 days and they found another grenade, some unexploded small arms and an unidentified device. They didn't find any mines and based on the history of the area they didn't expect to. We will be fencing off the area that has not been done and putting up signs that the locals will recognize. These signs will say that beyond this fence the area may have mines or unexploded devices. For now they put blue rocks out to mark the area. Again, these rocks the locals will recognize that the area beyond them may not be safe.

The project didn't impact hospital operations much. The supply shed is near the area that they were de-mining so when they guys were working (6a-2p) we were not allowed in the supply shed. Aside from that, life went on as usual. If finding grenades at work can be considered normal?

Keep Smiling!!

2nd Visit to the Club

I went to cigar club at the Embassy again. This time it was a more formal meeting. The Chaplin still wasn't there so another gentleman opened the meeting in prayer. After the prayer, new members were introduced (I have not joined) and then they explained the cigar of the day. The only thing I remember about it was the cigar wrapper was made in CT.

There was a lesson on humidors. I learned that humidors shouldn't be placed in the garage, basement or attic because the temperature fluctuates to much. Its best to keep your humidor in your house. After the lesson there was a raffle. I bought five tickets just for fun. The prizes were lighters, cigars, a cigar carrying case and the grand prize was a mini-humidor. Turns out I won -twice!! The first time I won a cigar called a Monti-crisco. I about died it was so funny. They called my number and I cried out "Oh my God." The guys I was with were laughing. They laughed even harder when I won the second time and it was the cigar carrying case.

Well now I have a case for my one cigar. I did promise the guys that maybe on my last day in country I'd try the cigar I won. For now one of the guys has it in the humidor he had shipped over.

Keep Smiling!!

My Burka and me

When I first arrived, someone mentioned that I should get a burka. After almost a year, I finally got around to getting one. They have to be specially made, with specific fabric. The shop measures your head and your height. From what the shopkeeper said, I’m pretty tall. I guess I never noticed but I am taller then most of my female staff. Most of the burka's in Kabul are blue, occasionally I'll see a white one. I'm not sure if the color is significant.

I have only worn the burka around my flat, figured I needed to practice walking in case I ever have to wear it. There is a mesh square that you look out of and I find it difficult to see. I have no peripheral vision. I have to wear my ponytail at the nape of my neck so the burka fits properly on my head. In the warm evening air, it’s hot to wear. I can’t imagine what its like during the middle of the day. Nor can I imagine what it's like to have to wear one or you can't leave the house.

Even though it’s only around my flat, I feel uncomfortable wearing it. Maybe even a little invisible? Walking around the hospital I see many women wearing them. I can’t tell if they are looking at me but I always try to smile and say hello to them. I want them to know that I see them. I imagine that they are smiling back but I suspect maybe they are wondering who the crazy foreigner is saying hello to them.

Keep Smiling!

Cigar Club

A few of the guys I have met here invited me to cigar club. I don’t smoke but figured it would be fun to check out. Plus this meeting was at the US Embassy and I have never been there.

The Embassy grounds are beautiful. After getting through all the security checks, we walked through what could have been any small town in America. They call the houses “hooches,” they are essentially containers. Each container has its own heater/air-conditioning unit and inside there are sleeping quarters, a bathroom, living room and small kitchen area. In front of each container there is a tree, a small patch of grass and some flowers. Walking to the gazebo where the club met was like walking through a small neighborhood. I wish we were allowed to bring camera's inside because those images are unseen in this city. No grass, few trees and no sidewalks.

Cigar club was almost exactly what you would expect; a group of men sitting in lawn chairs smoking cigars and chatting. The only things missing were a grill and a keg. If it wasn’t for the cigar smoke, you could have smelled the testosterone, LOL.

This wasn’t a typical meeting because everyone had been on lockdown due the Peace Jirga. Usually they give out the cigar of the day and provide information on the type of cigar and other misc information. It would have been interesting to learn a little more about cigars. There was no raffle either. But they did pray, which surprised me.

I was embarrassed when we arrived because they introduced me as a nurse and there was some comment about bringing a nurse to cigar club. In general everyone was nice and it was a fun afternoon. The guys I was with are in law enforcement or are attorneys and I enjoyed hearing about their jobs.

If I’m invited back, I’d go again.

200 yards

The day (May 18th) started off like any other day; the sun was out and the sky was clear. It was so clear that you could see the mountains behind the hospital and you had a little skip in your step. But at 8:10am everything turned chaotic. I was in my office meeting with two supervisors when there was a heart rattling sound that blew open the windows in my office. Before I even realized what happened I was on the ground next to my desk, along with my supervisors.

I recognize the question was silly but I couldn't help but ask if that was an explosion. My supervisors responded with a "yes" as we were getting up from the floor. Some how I gained composure and asked them to return to their wards and make sure everyone was OK. As we all left the office, there was a crowd of visitors and staff gazing out the long window in the hallway. When I looked, you could see a black ominous cloud billowing up just behind the building next to the hospital. There was also a sound of small arms fire, which later we were told that may have just been the ammunition in the convoy exploding. The incident took place just 200 yards from the hospital.

I made the rounds and discovered everyone (visitors, staff and patients) were OK. Several windows had been blown out. One very thankful patient had just gotten out of bed when the glass blew on to her bed. The supervisors and I went out front and we began to set up a little triage/first aid station near the front gate. We held all surgeries in case we needed the operating rooms but no one came. A few patients with minor injuries went to our Family Health Center which was set further back from the blast site. They were unable to save a pregnant women who woman who had to be extracted from the bus that was close to the blast. I felt like I was living an episode of MASH.

By 10am everything was over and we all attempted to gain some control over our day. Almost as as cruel joke, the clouds turned black and a thunderstorm blew in. It started to hail, the size of moth balls. With each crack of thunder I couldn't help but wonder if this was the end. What was next a plague of locusts?

The storm blew out by 3p. And then maybe like Noah, I needed I promise that things wouldn't be destroyed and I noticed the rainbow.

Keep Smiling

It took a volcano

It took a volcano but I was finally able to go home for a visit. I may have missed my conference and an opportunity to tool around Austria with friends, but going home was just what I needed. I didn't realize how much I needed to rest until I was home doing just that.

There was a slight bit of culture shock as I adjusted to being home. The first thing I noticed was being able to drive and that there are actual rules of the road that people follow. When I wasn't driving, it took me a while to get used to being allowed to sit in the front seat. The entire time I have been in Afghanistan, I can only think of one time I sat in the front. I'm not even sure that time counts since it was on my way from the airport when I first arrived.

The cost of fresh fruit and vegetables shocked me. But here, I pay $9 for a box of cereal, maybe $1.49 per lb of banana's isn't bad? I had a mini melt down in one store as I was trying to buy some pens to bring back. I haven't seen so many choices for things in a long time. Here, you buy whats available and are just thankful if you get a choice.

Some may call this culture shock, others may think I have PTSD. I was sitting at a traffic light and as a motorcycle drove by, it back fired. Before I knew it, I ducked behind my steering wheel. I also found it a little hard to get dressed. Suddenly skirts that come to my knees feel very short and when I tried on a sun dress, I didn't think I had enough clothes on.

It was a fabulous time at home. I feel recharged and ready to face the next few months. It is an adjustment to be here. I miss the water pressure I had at home. Wireless internet, I had forgotten how amazing it was. And consistent electricity, need I say more? I enjoyed my time at home; being allowed to walk around and not be a spectacle is a true gift.

International Women’s Day

I had never celebrated International Women’s Day before (March 8^th). When one of the female physicians and a midwife approached me about organizing an event for the hospital, I agreed to help.

The plan was to have a raffle, read poetry that would inspire and encourage women and have our hospital executive director give a speech. The entire event lasted an hour but what a truly inspiring time.

It was exciting to see the women at the hospital celebrate and encourage one another. Our hospital staff consists of slightly over 300 employees and about half of them are women. As a western woman who has been afforded so many rights and privileges, there have been days that I get frustrated because rights and privileges are different here. I have seen and experienced a few situations in the last few months that make me appreciate what the women who fought so hard to guarantee my right to an education, to vote and to be able to make decisions regarding medical care went through.

International Women’s day was inspiring and I was glad I was able to celebrate it with the female staff that I work with. I look forward to the day when there is less disparity in the rights and privileges for the women in this world.

A Baby Explosion

Our sick baby ward (like a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit -without the technology) was designed to hold 12 babies maximum. Two weeks ago we squeezed in 19, it was unbelievable. There was no room to move, everywhere you looked it there was either an isolette or a bassinet. All week we had been approaching our limit and then on Thursday night there was a baby explosion. We hovered abound 16 babies, hoping no more preemies were born but then it seemed our luck ran out; one set of twins and a single preemie.

When I review our trends, we appear to be having the same number of births at the hospital but the number of premature babies is higher. We average about 200 deliveries a month and for March we are right on track. I don’t know what’s in the water but things on the maternity ward and in the sick baby ward are insane.

The staff has been amazing! A few days ago we identified an overflow space –a large storage room incase we needed it. Thankfully the room is just down the hall from the current space. Thursday late morning, the facilities staff moved everything out of the storage room, added a few more outlets and the housekeeping staff came by to clean. Shortly after 6pm and we shifted five babies over.

Having such a quick change in our census made a minor staffing problem on the ward to a major staffing problem. Typically we staff two nurses in the sick baby ward, which by western standards we should staff more. This was the staffing plan I inherited and since I have arrived we have been looking for ways to have a better nurse to patient ratio. But I am having little success in hiring someone who wants to work in this ward. Thankfully the staff volunteered and everyone picked up some overtime during this week.

Thankfully, with the overcrowding there were no negative outcomes. We did not see any baby develop an infection and the one baby who passed away had a cardiac defect that we could not repair. It was a true miracle.

The overflow space was open for a week and now we are back to our “normal” 10 babies –THANK GOD!!

Safe?

Answering the question “do I feel safe?” is a complicated one. I have spent almost six months in country and if I am counting correctly there have been four “major” events in that time. In some ways I’ve become cynical as I try to cope with the fluid security situation. However I am starting to wonder if maybe I have become like the frog in the pot of hot water and I’m not noticing that the water is starting to boil. When I talk to folks who have been in country for a lot longer then me they say this is status quo, one event every other month or so. I think they mean for this to be reassuring.

Now when I made the decision to come, I was as aware as one could be about the security situation. In pre-field training they encouraged us to decide ahead of time what situations would cause us to evacuate. I gave it some thought but didn’t develop a list of what that would look like. Maybe foolishly I figured I’d just know when it was time.

With each event I wonder, “Is this the event that will send me home?” Today was the first time I actually felt and heard the impact of an explosion. I’m not sure I can articulate the sound or describe what it felt like. I was sound asleep and woke up with a start to a terribly loud boom. Then it was followed by an eerie moment of nothing. Within seconds I was out of bed, putting on clothes and shoes I could run in if I needed to. We headed to a room with no windows and waited. We waited for about an hour.

Everything is back to normal except we are on lock down for the rest of day. Left to go about doing things inside and “the travel situation will be re-evaluated tomorrow.”

So here I am, wondering, “do I feel safe?” Today even after what happened, I can say yes. Not as confidently as I would have yesterday but I don’t think this one will send me home.

Texas Hold 'Em

I have learned many things since I have lived here. One of the most enjoyable skills has been learning how to play Texas Hold’em. When I was living with some other folks, they taught me how to play. Now we play about once week; it’s low key, fun and truly no pressure. No one talks work; we joke around and chat about current events. Everyone wants to win but the real goal is not to be the first one out.

Prior to coming here I had played once, maybe twice so I was a little apprehensive to join the game. Especially since the first night I played I was the only girl. But the guys were great and gave me a little cheat sheet of what cards beat what. Their support and encouragement ended when I won the first two nights I played. Especially the second night when on the final hand I went all in with a pair of nine’s. I wouldn’t always recommend that strategy but that night it worked for me.

Truly for the social aspect of life here, poker nights have provided me with something to look forward to. Those folks have become good friends and I am going to miss living there. However am grateful that I can still go over and play.

A Patient Story

This was the best thing I did last week. I spent about an hour in our fistula room, talking with the patients there. We have six beds for women who have been diagnosed with having a fistula (a hole between either the rectum and vagina or between the bladder and vagina). This condition can occur after severe childbirth when adequate medical care is not available. The women who have a fistula can experience a lot of social isolation and it will significantly reduce the quality of their life. It was in our fistula room that I met Gulsum. She is 25 years old and lives in a rural village about eight hours outside of Kabul.

After having her second child, she noticed that she was leaking urine. Over the next four months her husband took her to see several village doctors. One of the doctors recommended a hysterectomy and her husband approved (typically a husband or a woman’s father will give consent for surgery). Gulsum had the surgery but the problem didn’t go away. She thought she was "finished for life."

Gulsum was taken to see one more doctor. This village doctor had recently returned from spending one month training at my hospital. He saw Gulsum and explained to her about a surgery that we offer that will fix her problem. She was so excited but told him she didn’t know how she would be able to afford the surgery. Then the doctor explained that our program would cover the cost of the surgery and the cost of her transportation back and forth to the hospital.

She is recovering, the surgery seems to be a success and she should be going home soon. While her and I spoke, she was beaming. Her excitement was contagious as she explained that she was now “dry” and how "this hospital gave me life again." It's stories like this that remind me why I am here.

T.I.A.

In the book Stones into Schools, Greg Mortenson describes Afghanistan as “a place where life is often messy, confusing, and unfair – and where events almost never conform to the script that has been laid.” In the four months that I have been in country, I can testify to the truth of this description. My team has coined the phrase “this is Afghanistan (TIA)” as a means to assist us in coping with the messy and confusing aspects of life here.

My most recent example has been the visa process. I arrived in September with one visa, which as it turned out was no longer the correct visa to have in order to get a work permit. The unofficial explanation for the change “TIA.” As a result several of us had to leave the country to get the correct visa. None of us minded because who doesn't mind a surprise weekend in a warmer climate. We had to leave because you cannot renew your visa in country without a work permit. The visa I was given expired in a month, which because of TIA a month isn't enough time to be issued a work permit and a new visa. So off to the consulate to get another visa. No worries, this is my 3rd visa.

But for some reason, this time did not go according to script. The only reason I have for the complicated process; TIA. After visiting two embassy’s and pleading my case to anyone who would listen, I was granted a visa; which as they say here Enshallah (God willing) this is the right one and can be renewed in country.

Sometimes a picture is worth thousand words. Thankfully it all worked out and I am back at work.

New Year’s Eve in the Desert

Happy New Year!

Spent the past week in Dubai and it was great fun. Went to the beach, swam in the Arabian Gulf, shopped my heart out, and visited the aquarium. For New Years Eve, we went on a desert safari. It wasn’t everything I expected but it was fun.

The ride out to the campsite would have consisted of more dune bashing if the women in the front seat wasn’t carsick. We were told the food at the campsite was going to be a BBQ, but it was Indian, as was the music. The dance floor could have been one you would find any where in the States except it was filled with people of all ages. The air was cool and the sky was clear, it really was a nice night to be outside. We opted out on the camel ride but enjoyed getting to know the other people at our table. It sure was a memorable way to ring in 2010.

The first photo is of the beach we went to. You are not allowed to take pictures on the beach but can in the park that is attached to the beach. The second picture is of the park attached to the beach and in the distance you can see the Burj Dubai (now called the Burj Khamira; aka worlds tallest building).